Humility and Silver Linings in the Art World

"Failure's greatest gift: freedom from attachment to ideas about success."  I attribute this quote to Martha Beck.

Having had a decent run of being accepted at several juried art shows over the past years, I currently find myself in the midst of a dry spell.  When I received my last rejection letter I was considerably disappointed ... no shows in the near future to prepare for, combined with few sales in the past months contribute to a bleak feeling.

And yet this is part of being an artist.  You can not be accepted to every show you apply to.  Your work isn't always loved as much as (you think) it should be.  Long periods of time can pass with little or no recognition.

An artistic career would not be a calling for individuals who thrive on praise and attention.

Dwelling on downsides for an extended period of time is not useful, however.  As trite as it may seem, one must look for silver linings.

Silver linings of an empty schedule:

• Freedom to dream and experiment
• Time for exercise and reading
• A surprising sense of relaxation and ease
• Taking stock of what is working (or not) in one's life
• An acceptance of what life offers (good and bad)
• Remembering what you really love and what really makes you tick 

Adversity and struggle create growth and importantly: humility.  Growth can be painful but is ultimately rewarding.  Humility is necessary so you are not a pompous ass to everyone you encounter.

Worth pondering in 'down' times: the Buddhist notion of the 8 worldly concerns.  We desire the 'good' and are averse to the 'bad', but life cycles through ups and downs.  This can not be avoided.  We can only learn to ride the waves of both.

Joseph Goldstein's talk on Equanimity and the 8 Vicissitudes (worldly concerns) has been very comforting for me.

Here are a few paintings I've completed in 2015:

January 2012 - June 2012

I have found that if I am painting, I don't have time for much else ... at least, I don't make time for much else, and so, I've let 'blogging' go a fair bit.  I guess the process of putting the paint on canvas is more important to me than talking about it!


Just last week I received some good news: I have a painting in the Elora Arts Council's "Insights 2012" show.  This show has been labelled 'difficult' to get into, so I'm pleased about having a painting showing there this summer!


Visually, here is what I've been up to over the past few months:

November 2011 - January 2012

The past few months have been a whirlwind!  I participated in an art show and sale called Box 11, and I am now a member of an online gallery: Art Allies.  


This greater involvement in the arts community has created within me an insatiable urge to paint, and I have completed 4 paintings in the last 3 months ... which is pretty good for me ... especially given that we went away on vacation and had the Christmas holidays to celebrate.  


Here are the paintings I've completed since November:

"October Afternoon"

24"X24"

Oil on canvas

"Hidden Barn at Sundown"

18"X24"

Oil on canvas

Living in the Light

24"X30"

Oil on canvas

Reach

24"X24"

Acrylic on canvas

Mirrors

Everyone we meet is just a mirror held up and shining our own qualities back at us.  


When we see strength and bravery in another, it is really our own strength and bravery reflected back at us; when we see irritating qualities in others, we are really seeing areas we have not yet healed in ourselves ... wounds that need further contemplation, tenderness and love.


The beauty we see in others is simply our own unmanifested or undiscovered beauty waiting to burst forward.

Who are you?

When I was 16 I was disturbed to find myself wondering:  Who am I?  As in, who am I really?  


This sort of wondering was embarrassing, as no-one else seemed to be asking these questions (or if they were, I wasn't having a proper discussion with them) and no-one seemed to be offering any sort of answer.  There were always people who were willing to instruct me on how I should behave, but my behaviour wasn't who I was.


I knew I wasn't my marks at school ... marks were something I acquired via a type of performance.  


I wasn't my part-time job at a local burger joint because that was something I did.


I wasn't the drawings I made ... they somehow came from me, but they were still just something I did and produced.  


I knew, roughly, what I liked and disliked, but I knew that "who I was" wasn't a matter of my individual preferences.


I wasn't my hand or my foot, because my thoughts didn't seem to originate from my hands, feet or other body parts.  My body seemed to be along for the ride, as well as to enhance the ride via my senses, but due to its ever-changing nature, it didn't seem to be me.  


I knew I wasn't even my brain, because my brain was a mass of grey matter, full of synapses firing electrical impulses which formed ideas, judgements and performed instinctual functions, like reminding my heart to beat constantly and my lungs to breathe.  But ... my brain was not me.


This very question has lead me on an ongoing journey to discover who I am.  Here is some of the information I've gleaned:


I have read that we are all vibrational energy.  That everything is vibrating and we attract that which vibrates at a similar resonance as us.


I have read that we are actually a soul, which sheds the body at the end of its life, much like taking off clothing at the end of the day ...  that the soul is eternal spirit (like God or the Holy Spirit) which is perfect and magnificent beyond human comprehension and that all separateness is imagined due to collective unconsciousness or the ego.  


I have read that nothing is separate.  That we are actually all one.  That the energy that allows me to 'be' is the same energy that allows you to 'be', and as such there is technically no 'you' or 'me'.  


I have read that the only way to come to understand this, and life, the Universe or 'God' is to drop all judgement, love unconditionally, let go of everything and find forgiveness for everything.


Is any of this information true?  I obviously don't have any concrete answers.  How could I?  But, there seems to be truth somewhere in the dropping judgement, loving unconditionally, and finding forgiveness part.  


If all my wondering has lead me to attempt to observe my judgemental nature and to love unconditionally, however naive it might seem, it might be wise for everyone to start with the question:  "Who am I?" ... or at the very least to remember that you are not your job, or your stuff.

The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth!

Today, I tuned into CBC's radio show "Q" and managed to catch the tail end of an interview with author Alexandra Robbins who was speaking about her book "The Geeks Shall Inherit the Earth".  In her book she examines high school life and the behaviour of so-called popular individuals vs the individuals that are awkward, unremarkable and often bullied.


I suppose this interview caught my interest because I was an incredible geek or nerd when I was a kid.  I was shy and uncomfortable, nervous and introverted, and easily embarrassed.  I didn't want to expose myself in any way to my fellow body of students, I was mildly bullied and I was extremely sensitive.


I learned to cope in school by altering my behaviour enough so that I blended in and went unnoticed.  I wore decent clothes, fussed with my hair, and developed the eye-rolling I'm-so-much-better-than-you attitude that is common with teenaged girls.  I shamelessly gossiped about how 'stupid' other people were, all the while, being full of self-loathing.  I craved to feel confident in front of a crowd, to be absent of butterflies and shaking hands.  I craved to know how to 'say the right thing' and not be constantly red in the face and sweaty.  I craved to have people like me, because I perceived that no one did.  I craved to be 'popular'.


I hated whispering, giggling girls, as I imagined they were all whispering and laughing at me ... at the same time, I contributed to the very behaviour I loathed.  It's the most instinctive human mechanism:  Do unto others that which you perceive others are doing unto you.


However, Ms. Robbins made the comment that there is a distinct difference between perceived popularity and actual popularity.  Those 'popular' kids only seemed popular because they were recognizable - their recognizability didn't necessarily mean they were liked ... these kids tended to peak in high school and then wane once they were 'out' in the world.


This was like an AHA moment for me!  I had wanted to be popular - we ALL wanted to be popular - our KIDS want to be popular, because the 'popular' kids are noticed, recognizable.  We all want to feel like someone sees us.  Really sees us.  And so, it may not be popularity or attention we crave, but the notion of not being invisible and that we are accepted just as we are.  


I think childhood is painful because we perceive (especially quiet, introverted children) that no one notices us - or, when we are noticed, it seems it's only negative attention we receive.  


Ms. Robbins encouraged us to praise our children.  Notice and praise them.  Their unique traits will serve them well when they are older.  These traits, so painful to accept, are blessings!  Unique traits, if carefully nurtured and accepted, will be the best part of a person's personality. 


If you catch yourself wanting your child (or yourself) to be something other than who they are, remind yourself that they (or you) are exactly who they (you) are meant to be.  Learn to love your children (and yourself) unconditionally - meaning that you love without placing parameters on this love.  


Ms. Robbins goes on to say that life becomes much better for nerd-type folks, once they are out of the insular environment of school.  I have to agree.  

Can I 'do it all'?

I read a quote recently that went:  "You can do it all, just not at the same time."  I'm realizing how true this is.  I have the problem of wanting to do it all.  I am inspired by everything.  It stems from a passion for life, but it can be a nuisance!


For example, I want to blog daily.  I am constantly thinking of new things to write about.  I have things on my mind that I want to share ... but blogging requires mulling time, never mind the time it takes to actually sit down and write and edit.  (If I can get the computer to myself for an uninterrupted hour.)  So, many thoughts go unwritten and unshared.


I want to paint and draw everything I see.  I see cloud formations; the colour of the sun hitting water and sky; rocks meeting fence meeting earth, and I want to sketch this or capture it somehow.  But, I don't have the foresight to carry a camera or sketchpad on me at all times, so many images pass by, noticed, but allowed to dissolve into the ether of time and my memory, perhaps only appreciated by me, but never shared.


I want to keep my house spotless, too.  I feel like I can't concentrate if I am aware of dust and crumbs lingering on the floor and furniture.  I am haunted by the notion of dirty laundry lurking in closets or lint behind the toilets.


I love grocery shopping and cooking.  I want to feed my family homemade meals.  But, chopping and sautéing take time, care and attention.


And don't get me started about reading!  I am passionate about reading.  I have a bookshelf filled with unread books that makes me very excited, just looking at it.  I usually have two books on the go at all times.  I like to read a fiction and a 'soul-vitamin' type book at the same time ... fiction at night, soul-vitamin in the morning!


Oh, and I love my friends and family!  I love being able to visit with them!  I try to see my Grandparents once a week, as well as catch up with friends and go for a tea.


And exercising ... I try to exercise daily.  


Did I mention that I'm married?  I do spend time with my husband ... chatting into the night, or watching a movie.


And I'd like to spend time meditating ...


And I volunteer with KWSA and the boys' school sometimes ...


You can see my dilemma.  I want to do it all.  


So what is the solution?


Well, I make lists, which helps.  I keep a detailed calendar for future events.  I don't get a lot of sleep, which is not so good and I hope it doesn't affect my long term health.  I try to mentally slot activities into 1 to 2 hour time slots, doing my best to wrap up and continue on to the next thing.  


But, the best thing I've found is to "Keep calm and carry on".  I set priorities, focus on the big picture (when I get overwhelmed) and remind myself that 'doing it all' may not be realistic or necessary.


I try to focus on what is most important to me, in this lifetime, keeping in mind that life will continue without me and when I'm gone, most of what I've done won't matter too much ...